watch it come down

its been a wonderful two days. its been pouring day and night. and i just love watching the rain come down. watch the clouds cover that blasted sun. no sun (: only rain and the fog. i love. hahaha, this is why i say i'm so suited for e uk. grins.

was just reading something sophia coppola said. about liking fashion and all that frivolity and all that comes with it, does not mean that it makes one lack substance. and again what defines substance. seriously. big words? not talking abt fashion? having conversations that only revolve around serious issues like politics and war? i've always had smthing against ppl who pinpoint fashion-lovers and accuse them of being superficial and brainless. gah. constant battles are tiring.

i like prepping for prom with angie (: fun fun. hahaha, plus we'll definitely have that sun-bathing session before prelims.

i miss mandarin garden playground too ): the swings. the merrygoround

: arms of a woman :: amos lee :

wonderful day!

as promised ming (: an entry to keep you entertained.

it might seem rather insignificant, no special plans, no special occasion and all.. but i think today will be one of my most happiest days in the year. not including gp. econs S was rather fun due to the hysterical laughing and screaming of quotes out at each other. and then during e paper, stupid misquotes kept floating around in my head. and i nearly burst out laughing during the paper. grins.

and then pretty persuasion with rach ming seto (missing steffish ): ) which i think traumatised rach and ming quite a bit. but i found bloody hilarious. wicked humour. rachel evan wood/evan rachel wood (whichever order her name is) totally rocks (: greaaaaat acting. she was rather sinister and dark, and i liked the way the story ended. not always the good winning, but neither did the bad really win. heh. simple summary. kinda lacking proper english skills at the moment.

and then dinner at e hk cafe. all the nonsense shit. screaming cos of mango ice -.- hahaha. and planning our hk trip (: lovely lovely. the taxi ride home with ming. which i realise i have become so reliant upon as a source of comfort. i love going to and fro school with ming (: and just made me sad to think that very soon, it'll all be over. i love screw to death.

and then our 2 hour plus talk on the phone. hahaha, i can't believe ming actually stayed awake till 2. grins, new record (: i love my mingkie poo. let's just say, trade barriers were lowered, and exports and imports quantity increased. smirks.

and lastly, memorable quotes from today.. (i shan't name who)

"its a rich man's world"

"is it happy and flourishing or flourishing and happy?"
"flourishing and happy."
"no! i think its happy and flourishing"
"flourishing and happy."
"then poor and miserable or miserable and poor?" -.-

"competition is the keen cutting edge, shaving off REVENUE"

"do we not wish to boycott VISA for making us endure having to watch richard gere smirking at us"

and our dear favourite by KEYNES

"in the long run we are all dead"

: the aircon :

one of rachel's beloved lists

things to look forward to

before As
- suntanning and mugging with angie next week
- devil wears prada
- arrival of all my online sprees
- my 18th (: and all e celebrations shite
- vintage shopping

after As
- sailing on the open sea with kaleni & co (just like 1st ep of OC season 3. haha)
- prom
- hk trip
- america trip
- dance!

i just want to run wild. run free. no inhibitions. no cares. no rules.

one of rachel's beloved lists (:

last day of proper sch tmr. i'm not feeling particularly angsty/sad. cos i know i'll still see e ppl i like. its really quite a diff from how i was in sec 2 and 4. cynicism? maybe a part of me got extinguished by rj. like rach said, changed.

: one headlight :: the wallflowers :

take a good look around

i just realised that my lil panic attack over the cambridge predicted results were for nothing -.- cos the date for submission is oct 13. whew. so it SHOULD be based on my predicted scores. unless my dear ct does smthing stupid. grumbles. anyway, today is my applications day. hahaha, i'm gonna get all my applications done today once and for all. lalalala. and then leave everything to fate. big believer of fate here, but not destiny. shrugs. my weird logic. go figure. do you sometimes look someone you're very familiar with in the face, and realise that you've gotten so used to seeing that person, that you haven't properly looked at him or her in a very long time. and they've changed. and for a moment you just can't recognize their faces anymore. their faces are no longer similar to that in ur memory, the face that you superimpose onto their present faces, the one you think you see but its no longer there. that happened to me when i was looking at yet today (anyone who's been to my hse knows yet. haha, hell some ppl haven't and they know her), and for a moment it struck me how old she looks now. she's still all mad and crazy, but she looks much older from that in my memory. she's spent 15 yrs of my life with me. she's prob the person i've spent the most time in my entire life with, and it may seem sad to some, that its not my parents i spend e most time with, but it just makes me feel even more loved. i know i'm guilty for taking alot for granted. alot ppl rather. and thinking about uni has made me more appreciative of all the ppl around me, cos i know it'll all be gone.. so thank you.

: star mile :: joshu radin :
from the last kiss ost (: lovely songs.

the oc

damnit. i didn't know the oc season 3 was showing on channel 5 till i was channel-surfing just now and chanced upon it. grumbles. so it was episode 5 tonight, so i gotta go dwl the first 4 episodes. arghh. i'm obsessed abt e oc it seems 0_o almost as bad as it was with buffy. haha. i loveee mischa barton. she's hot shite. plus her clothes rock. (y) marc jacobs and chanel all e time. roars.

angie just told me smthing that's gotten me all stressed. like my predicted scores for cambridge are gonna be based on my teachers' opinions on me. and not my prelims cos they all gotta be sent to e uk by sept 13. WONDER-BLOODY-FUL. -.- my ct grades are horrid beyond horrid. and i need at least 3 As for them to even consider interviewing me. well my econs and math has always been rather consistent, and mrs nair has a pretty gd impression of me. so hopefully they'll be fine. just that blinkie. hmms, he could be either really nice or bloody mean. let's hope he's in a gd mood. rahh.

oh yarh, and my last entry meant to have 'heart mel' at e bottom but blogger's html is rather whacked. so shrugs.

applications applications. so many bloody applications.

: hallelujah :: imogen heap :

choices

its become so difficult to get up every day. (note i say everyday. not every morning. cos if u know me :p i'm so not a morning person) i want to go back to that black oblivion that is my sleep. and not face the bloody bright sunlight. and the stacks and stacks of books, notes and revision i have to do.

had such a throbbing bad headache yesterday. argh. 2 hours of sleep and constant staring at econs mcq gets u that -.- plus e oxbridge talk. which i was rather relieved to see only 3 ppl applying to the same college as me. had a rather nice time at e talk though, mini catch-up session with justin. who i haven't really talked to in ages ):

was thinking about cambridge. its been my dream for quite awhile to get there. but i'm seriously doubting my chances. and even if i were to get in. i was looking arnd the room yesterday, and i seriously couldn't see anyone that i'd really click with, with e exception of justin and beatrice. and justin still has bloody ns. suddenly lse and upenn sound alot more attractive. friends-wise. sighs. i know i have this 'cannot let go' thing about me. i hold things of comfort close to me, and never wish to let them go. half the time making choices to be closer to sources of comfort. like choosing pcme at e beginning of jc. then swapping at bcme finally cos i had to do it for me you know. and i suppose its the same with uni. i gotta do it for myself. so that one day i can look back, and say i did it. i chased my dreams. i found that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. haha.


off to mug now. <3>

i miss you friends.

: kiss goodbye :: wang lee hom :

sleep

how is it possible that i can be so tired. physically worn-out, mentally exhausted, emotionally drained. i really just want to sleep for a very long time. and wake up when all the ashes have been blown away in the wind. where nothing is quite like it is anymore. i wonder if there's such thing as voluntary coma. hmms. i read this story about this girl who once just suddenly fainted one day, and didn't wake up till a year plus later. she had no medical condition at all and she was aware of things going around her. i wonder if that happens. who'll i see by my bed side, what will they say to me.

ignore my disturbing morbid thoughts. i'm not suicidal, yet at least.

lovely saturday

haha. actually i'm kinda glad that stupid jeremy abandoned stef and i for lunch. :p cos lunch was lovely (: talking about funny nonsensical things that i think i'll only dare to talk to stef about. hahaha. i love you my steffish! i realise with jc, i've had more one on one time with stef and grown closer to her. yay.

psc test was rather amusing. patterns test was quite fun. math was 0_o and well comprehension was rubbish. and all of us decided that we sound schizo. whoopee. hahaha. i think i sound like this drunk crazy party girl -.- and a possible criminal. hah. i acted like a total bimbo on my way in. why i shan't say anymore. but i hate that stupid mixed looking girl. ARGH. bitch much.

and then waited for my mummy at taka, went shopping (: i love ck's autumn winter line. all black and white. teeheehee. bought my sat books and had yummy dinner with e extended family at imperial nan bei. bloody good roast goose. heh

studying is actually therapeutic for me. stops me from dwelling on things. haha.

i want to take comfort in you.

: starman :: david bowie :

fly away.

my mummy's being an absolute darling with my admissions nonsense (: she's been doing all the reading and everything, and actually came up with this table that takes note of all the forms i need to hand in for all e unis. whee. (y)

its that darned shirt. that shirt that got me all weak in the knees. makes everything even more harder.

oh yes, in case i haven't babbled to you yet. i'm getting a tattoo after As (: hahaha. part of my bday present to myself. haven't really decided what i wanted. it could either be smthing without much meaning, like thumper or flower (the rabbit & skunk from bambi). hahaha. or tinkerbelle = flying away. or smthing more art-ish. which could either be oriental (but not the nonsense chinese words -.- like ai), or represent smthing that i've been dealing with this yr. which could be anything from dance to letting go to flying away. but i've been leaning towards a lotus flower with a dragonfly/butterfly lately. look like a chinese painting (: haha. but everything's not decided yet. lalala. shall go think more after prelims. roars.

'collide' has been floating around in my head lately.

bio spa. argh.

: boston :: augustana :
new lovely song from rachel (:

fly away.

my mummy's being an absolute darling with my admissions nonsense (: she's been doing all the reading and everything, and actually came up with this table that takes note of all the forms i need to hand in for all e unis. whee. (y)

its that darned shirt. that shirt that got me all weak in the knees. makes everything even more harder.

oh yes, in case i haven't babbled to you yet. i'm getting a tattoo after As (: hahaha. part of my bday present to myself. haven't really decided what i wanted. it could either be smthing without much meaning, like thumper or flower (the rabbit & skunk from bambi). hahaha. or tinkerbelle = flying away. or smthing more art-ish. which could either be oriental (but not the nonsense chinese words -.- like ai), or represent smthing that i've been dealing with this yr. which could be anything from dance to letting go to flying away. but i've been leaning towards a lotus flower with a dragonfly/butterfly lately. look like a chinese painting (: haha. but everything's not decided yet. lalala. shall go think more after prelims. roars.

'collide' has been floating around in my head lately.

bio spa. argh.

: boston :: augustana :
new lovely song from rachel (:

warm

suefaye and i came up with another nickname for ______ today. puppy! hahaha. (: and thinking of puppy, brings about all the same feelings as you would feel towards well, puppies -.- warmth, care, sunshine and happy things. which is really a improvement to alot of things i've been feeling. haha. as angie likes to tell me, i need to learn how to be happy/happier. hahaha. well puppy's good at that (y) but everything in its time.

i <3 suefaye (: hahaha. lately cos mel has been disappearing very often. suefaye and i have been having alot of nonsense/heart-to-heart talks. which eases something inside of me. and all the stupid funny things we like to talk about, leaves me smiling for the rest of the day. grins.

psc test this sat -.- pain in my arse. and they won't even be giving us our results. grumbles.

no sch for me tmr (: i need sleep desperately. the floor is incredibly hard despite e rug. don't ask why i'm slping on e floor -.-

oh and lakehouse wasn't THAT wonderful. sweet and all, but the middle part was rather boring, and the directing sucked. haha. mel's gonna kill me. and like i was making quite abit of comments that halfway through e show i realised i couldn't rmb sandra bullock and keanu reeves characters' names. -.- heh. but keanu reeves is my idea of a hot middle-aged guy. grins.

: for your babies :: simply red :

snapshots

was happily snapping away at the fireworks last night (: with my daddy's pro cam. hahaha. used up an entire roll if u can believe it. jie was over that day and we spent e day mugging plus catching up which was lovely (: i'm slowly preparing to leave. collecting as many pictures of everyone i'll miss. plus of the wonderful memories. it'll be the joke of century if i end up staying in spore.

the sunrise outside my window in cambridge. and the sunset on the rivers. attached with all the bittersweet memories. i hope i get to see this view everyday for a long time (:

seeing how you enjoyed the fireworks just makes everything all bittersweet. i remember waiting for the meteor shower. falling asleep. and that look on your face the next morning.

whahaha, bought new shoes again :p pedder red's new line is pretty. might go buy that gold pumps too. if i finish all the work i have to finish for next week. roars. studying is tiresome. and i have neverending shite to do. grumbles.

my aircon is pissing the hell outta me. it keeps turning itself off. hmmphs.

HOPEFULLY i'll finally get to catch lakehouse tmr. heh, before i get slaughtered :p

i wish i could smile as happily as her. but as i said, nothing will ever be the same again.

i'm angsty. sue me :p

: one headlight :: the wallflowers :

obsessed

current obsessions: rockstar supernova + old fashioned rock and roll, mischa barton, nicole richie and house (its back! lovely sarcasm and wit) (:



resolution till As are over: stay away from sgselltrade :p maybe even sgspree and _spreee. hahaha. i'm super bad with online shopping. grumbles. but at least i've got new stuff coming in e mail, so i should stop buying and just look forward to that. and to lose some damned weight -.-

everytime i watch rockstar supernova, i'm reminded of char ): and how much i missed her. sighs.

ain't life just full of contradictions. like how you put more makeup to look prettier, but the more make up you put on, the uglier you look when it all comes off. shrugs. i want cambridge so badly but i don't really want to know if i got e admission form -.-

national day celebrations were fun (: horrid singing by my daddy and 2 su su. alooot of champage. lovely fireworks and sunset. pictures pictures pictures. neon bracelets. renewed resolve.

i rmb walking around orchard e other day, half hoping i would see you, half wishing i didn't. if i did, i don't know how i'd react. hah. i hope i never see you again till project letters - its a project i embarked on a few yrs back. i write my closest friends letters about everything, anything and stuff i want to say but can't/won't say. and i'll give them out before i leave. haha, i'm all prepared for overseas :p honestly, i can't wait. so keep a day next yr free for me to give you e letter(s) (:

: the dolphin's cry :: live :
lovely song (:

solitaire

i couldn't go for the fireworks last night with cass and rach ): cos my eye was really bothering me. i seriously think i have an eye infection, and images of ray charles going blind in 'ray' keeps flashing through my mind 0_o so i'm confined to specs for e next few days. grumbles. but at least i'm staying at home. hahaha. few ppl have ever seen me in specs :p

its raining now (: woke up early today cos i crashed at 8 -.- was dead tired. watched the sun rise. there's something familiar in the sun rising, like how it does every day. but nothing's ever the same. the clouds, the wind, the smells. nothing will ever go back to way it was. we're changing, everything's changing every moment. i'll never see the carefree smile you gave me back then again. even if i were to see you again. the circumstances are different now. and i finally realise there isn't much point in hoping for smthing similar again, cos it will never be. i'm no longer the same person i was.

national day celebrations yesterday in sch. only reason i went was to watch my juniors do 'fever'. haha, sexy babes. hmms, in rj, there's no place i feel more at home than being with my dancers. nothing compares honestly. its like i love spending time with mel and suefaye, jeremy and junwee, but the whole environment just makes me feel displaced. haha. and screw, belongs outside of school (: screw belongs to rg. haha. btw screw = stef cass rach ming wj.

deciding to apply to us is giving me hell of a headache. grumbles.

oh yes, got persuaded by the boys (jem, junwee and ivan) to watch click yesterday. haha, and i rather surprisingly really enjoyed the movie (: had me bawling throughout e last half hour. the boys were rather 0_o at me. boys just don't get it -.- i think its one of best shows abt family nonsense i've ever seen (y) and as i told ming, now i just have to find a way to get my dad to watch it. hah.

listening to clay aiken brings back such lovely memories (: hahaha. claymates! rach, ming, jerrine, amy and many more 408 darlings. and stef's jpl. hahaha.

: solitaire :: clay aiken :

insanity

the loneliest people show the most affection for others. for they don't want others to feel as lonely as they do.

pretending something doesn't exist. doesn't make it go away. its alwys there. at the edge of our mind, hovering nearby.

i need to take control of my life for now. pull in the reins. stop the wild horses. and when the time comes. they'll run free again.

one day you'll look at me. and realise you don't know the stranger standing in front of you.

: the professor :: damien rice :

ramble on and on.

tonight was lovely (: i miss e dancers mucho mucho. my darling krist, jingjing, viola, goldfish, leslie, bryan, nah, sarah and nat. plus surprise appearances from kohzy, shisi (but then again i always see tt girl everytime i go for a dance concert. hahaha), kimberly (who i haven't seen in AGES), roxanne (also another one). liang sheng and liang shi. hah. e last 4 were from my drama class (: rox and i were talking abt us putting up a show next yr. hahaha. and i can get to spend time with char again who i've lost contact with ): i miss her.

anywayyy, back to the dancing. rapture's e best dance night i've WATCHED so far. hahaha, meaning rj's not included. grins. ZAKI DANCED! (damnit xinqin should have gone for sa dance night la, she'd have swooned) 0_o you should have heard me cheering so louding. whooping like my life depended on it. hahaha. omg he was so bloody good. i liked the toy dance & their chinese-esque modern dance with umbrellas (: the alumni's technique is gd i must say. nus ensemble was (y) just that it was rather disturbing to see a guy dancing in red underwear. hmms. leslie was traumatised to say the least. hahaha. owe my dance partner a bigg one for getting me a ticket :D we were sitting like 10 rows from e front. woohoo, cos he has special connections. hahaha. but a bit weird cos manda was like behind us. thanks leslie (:

then supper, where i continued to terrorise jingjing. teeheehee (: we were joking abt how all alumni dancers come back stick-thin. so we gotta start working towards it alr -.- i can't wait for e As to be over, then we can start with our alumni dance. wheee. i can't wait i can't wait. and then its all about dance again. think i'm gonna go back to andre after As, and start jazz or hiphop with patrick. if only zaki had a school ): i'd join immediately. he's hilarious i tell you. and his sessions are like seriously exhausting which is good.

i just watched one of the latin videos at kallang theatre. not e actual performances. but the boys are damn cute during the diagonal and they do their starburst thing, walk arnd e girls and then shake butts :D hahaha. i think that video has the straightest diagonal we ever ever had. -.- just that it happened during a pract and not e real thing. grumbles. but i love my latin item (: whahahaha. and its funny how everytime e latin dancers hear one of e latin songs, they immediately start singing/laughing/dancing. grins.

this was a burst of sunshine in my otherwise miserable monotonous past few weeks. hahaha. i was jking with kaleni that i'm so bloody popular, i've got 4 bfs. -.- they are e bio tys, chem tys, econs tys & math tys. smirks. but anyway, nat day's coming up. lake hse and possibly pirates (i know i'm slow damnit). and granny's day out shopping spree with angie baby. its looking better.

enough of ramblings for now (: i'm off to meet my bfs. hahahaha.

to my pet. it sucks now but it can only get better (: you know we love you dear. muacks

: hallelujah :: jeff buckley :

to the point of no return

i have another movie to look forward to (: i forgot marie antoinette's coming out soon. i mean like my fav historic icon + kirsten dunst = much love. hahaha. there's this thing abt kirsten dunst i just love and identify with, she changes with each character she takes on but there's always something in her eyes. that look of wild abandon. to run free. that would really be a dream come true.

i'm just pushing forward, blindly and forcefully. i cannot take the time to look at the damage i'm causing to myself. it would hurt too much, and make everything the pain a reality. i can't have anything to do with them now. cos they'll only push me off the proverbial ledge.

i feel i'm letting so many ppl down. broken promises. unanswered messages.

i think i'm the only one who cries when i hear 'do you hear the people sing'. not cos of the song, but of what memories it brings back.

i miss watching all the lovely foreign movies with screw (:

everything is building up in me. like behind a dam, ready to burst forward. i'm feeling for everything that's lost, everything that's passed and cannot be taken back.

: the point of no return :: phantom of the opera :
smirks.
someone mentioned to me my playlist looks like an electrochemistry eqn -.- too much studying i tell you.

dreams

i know i'm supposed to try blogging less. but this i had to blog about.

came home at 10, slept till 7.30 -.- anyway, i had this really bizarre dream. which was actually rather amusing. and i know that i would wake up, rmb e dream, and immediately go back to slp to try continue that dream. hence sleeping for so long.

it started with someone rushing me around e place, and that i was gonna get married that night 0_o to _________ (fill in e blank urself, but its not e one who usually haunts my dreams), then we were rushing to like the wedding venue which was at some really huge place and i saw like all my friends and acquaintances from all over e yrs like going in 0_o hahaha, then i was running like mad cos we were late, and after getting there, we realised i had no hairstylist or makeup artist, and so we ran into a shopping centre which happened to appear, and got everything done.

the whole dream was seriously 0_o i think its an accumulation of everything that happened in e past 24 hrs, from my talk with goldfish, the patriachal compre we did in gp and all the nonsense marriage talk. hahaha. this was definitely amusing. (y)

then ran back to e backroom of e wedding venue, changed into a wedding dress, and then e first part of e wedding celebrations began 0_o and the whole time i was trying to look for ________ to tell him that was he sure he wanted to get married and if it was too rushed or some nonsense. but all he did was reassure me hurriedly when i saw him. and then e first part of e wedding celebrations turned out to be a dance concert?! and like i was surrounded by all e dancers, and then lao shi was in e crowd too and i went to talk to her for awhile. then i know i ran out of the place and was contemplating just running away from e wedding, then i woke up -.- hahaha

everyday i hope for a better tmr (: a day when i can finally let go.

: the ocean :: mae :

mmm

sipping my cappuccino. listening to moon river (:

but despite me sounding all relaxed and happy. i'm fucking stressed about uni admissions. it seems like all the odds are against me. i think i've used 'fuck' today more times than i've used in e past few months. with exception of dance night. -.-

anyway, i'm off to study. its pretty ppl time (:

one of e older fashion ads (:

i shall ATTEMPT to blog less for e next few weeks -.- just keep posting pretty pictures. hahaha.

: moon river :: henry manici :